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You would like the story of the Monster of the Greenwood, my little ones? Well, then, if you will not go to sleep for a warm meal or a bed by the fire ... no? ... then tell it I must.
It all began long ago, in another place and time ...
I could hardly hold in the shouting. I wanted desperately to yell it to the world, the galaxy, the universe and beyond!
The Elfland group wants me! Me! ME!
When I finally put together my costume for this year, I wanted to make it special. Oh, always something to do with wolves. They're my favourites, after all. But something more ... impressive. So I used casts of real wolves' teeth from the natural history museum for the teeth, and even checked out Mech's book three times running to get the fur pattern right. I even positioned the sheath directly in accordance with the best five sources on canine and lupine anatomy in the library. Then tricked the jaw out with a hookup to my own lips. Sure, it cost me in terms of diction, but the little rims that held one jaw to the other gave me a movement that was almost eerily lifelike, while the spring hinges guaranteed a quick return with my lips.
Then the knight appeared. I couldn't believe the fluid grace with which he carried the armor, and I could tell by the movement that the metal wasn't off of some old Volkswagen Beetle or something. We're talking craftsmanship, here.
"Monster?"
I nodded and gave a grunting growl. Apparently he hadn't expected that addition, because he paused a second before continuing. "My Lady, the Queen of Elfland, desires your presence this moment. Will you come?"
I used every ventriloquist trick I knew, and managed to growl an understandable, "When Titania calls, none may deny her. I come." Then I locked eyes with him ... and let the animal inside me have a little fun.
I don't know what happens when I do that, and I can't get a straight answer from anyone I do it to ... but it always gets a reaction. This time was no exception. But the reaction was not what I expected.
He paused a moment, looking into the depths of my eyes ... then nodded, turned, and led on.
My inner beast isn't used to such a challenge going unanswered, so he drew back, deciding to wait and learn more before he tried that again.
At the door to a large suite, the knight stopped, the door was opened, and he said, "The Monster is presented."
As he strode inside, and I kept three paces behind, checking every shadow, for I am a nervous beast, we came to the central room of the suite. There, upon a carpet of artificial grass, sat the Throne. And on that throne was ... The Lady.
"The Monster is presented, My Queen."
"So I see", she purred in a silken-sweet voice, "and am seen. Let the Monster approach."
Hesitantly, I moved forward, my eyes tracking every visible member of the court as they took in the sight of me, moving from my counterbalanced legjacks, up to the chest, where the form fit rather nicely in my opinion, and on to the head. Then, at a gesture from the Queen, I turned halfway around, presenting my tail and back to the view of the court.
"Turn."
Turning, I could see a small smile on the Queen's face.
"Has the Monster a name?"
I managed to growl, "My kind need no names. My name is My Queen's to give."
She almost seemed to start then, but recovered nicely. "Such a marvelous voice, and such magnificent work! Truly a well-made monster. But is the beast agile?"
At a motion to my right, I turned, swung, and connected with a small figure, hurling him back at least three feet as he screamed. I bowed to him, then turned to the Queen. "My apologies, Your Majesty. I am unused to being approached at speed for any good reason."
"Oh, well hit, Monster! But swiftness of arm is not the same as swiftness of leg." She gave me a sarcastic smirk, then continued, "Have you quickness in your other limbs as well?"
In response, I elected to show instead of tell. Leaping forward and to the right of the Queen, I pushed off, rolling and coming to a crouching position, from which I glared at the assemblage.
And growled.
Recovering from that lapse in control, I rose, bowed to the Queen, and stood at ready.
"Ingenious. Mannerly yet mighty. Truly, a beast as I have not seen in a long age. We wish you to join our court, Monster, and be presented with us in the competition this eve. How say you?"
"I am My Queen's to command, now, always and forever. By oak, and ash, and thorn, I so swear."
A hush went through the court then, and a murmur, stilled by the raised hand of the Queen. "Pretty words. Let us see if they are more than that. Come this eve at the hour of six. You are to tell no-one the purpose of this, nor speak to anyone about our court or your joining us. Should you do so, your membership in my court shall end as it begins. Do you understand?"
"Yes, My Queen."
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